My GF made plans to go to DC, I tried to find a reason to go there too. I went to see my adviser who told me about an internship I could apply for with one of the state’s senators. It seemed too good to be true, and in hindsight, it was, but at the time I didn’t know how things were going to fall apart, so I was super amped!
As it happened, the position had just opened up a couple of days ago and had not been made available to the student body. My adviser told me that I was a great candidate, I was majoring in political science and had done volunteer work with the mayors office for the past two years. Even though, I still had to go through the entire application and interview process, my chances did look really promising, plus I would have a head start in writing my essay and getting my letters of recommendation.
The application window was really short for finding a replacement, just under three weeks, so I may not (cross my fingers) have any competition. Although to be fair, my adviser was going to formally post the internship for other students. I wasn’t going to take any chances so I did the entire application that day and requested letters of recommendation from my teachers. I impressed upon them the urgency of the matter and they assured me they would get it done by the end of the week.
That night I couldn’t wait to tell Archie about the internship except when I got home he was in this incredibly foul mood. I bounced into the house giddy with excitement and found Archie sitting on the couch in just his boxers drinking a beer. There was some sports game on TV but the sound was muted and angry rock music was blaring from the speakers. When I tried to talk to him he snapped at me to leave him alone, that the last thing he needed right now is me yakking in his ear.
I was literally speechless. My excit-o-meter went from 60 to zero in under a second. I was so shocked and frustrated and confused at Archie’s behavior. My mind got all jammed up with whys and how dare yous and what’s your problem and fuck you too then and they all wanted to come out of my mouth and then it’s like this overload short circuited my brain and nothing came out except tears. I ran to my room completely destroyed and I half wanted/expected Archie to come after me and apologize or something but the other half hated him so much for his unprovoked cruelty that I hoped he would just leave me alone and never speak to me again!!
Although I sometimes wish I didn’t have those thoughts because you know how they say be careful what you wish for because it may come true?? Well Archie didn’t talk to me for FIVE DAYS!! Do you know how long that is when you live with someone?! It literally felt like an eternity! I had no idea what brought on this sudden change in Archie . He had never ever treated me this way before. Whenever we had problems or if I did something to upset him we could always talk about it. That’s what made us have an amazingly strong relationship to begin with, I mean I had been in my fair share of relationships before and things were never so amicable and mature like it was with Archie .
Disagreements always meant yelling and screaming and insults, I just thought that’s how people in love fought with each other, but Archie showed me that it didn’t always have to be that way. He showed me that people who love each other can fight with love not hate. I had a pretty amazing revelation with Archie , I realized that I harbored a lot of hate in my heart for reasons that I’m still to this day trying to figure out. But once I knew that this hate and ugliness existed inside me I was able to tame it.
I was able to recognize the symptoms before it was a full blown disease. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. When you get accustom to reacting in a certain way, these behaviors become very addicting and extremely difficult to change. And that’s just the thing, Archie was incredibly understanding and patient and forgiving and it was because of his kindness that I was able to grow into a better, more compassionate person. So you can see why I was beyond baffled by Archie ’s behavior.
My old demon surfaced again as I begged and pleaded and screamed and shouted and hurled and kicked trying to get Archie to respond to me. I became angry and violent with frustration, so much so I took my words, the most powerful and painful card I had, and I aimed then at Archie right where I knew it would hurt the most. My words would haunt me forever because as much as I tried to rescind what I had said, they had already burned themselves into Archie soul and he could not forget.